When I was an expecting and new mom I found a great thing. A blog called Scary Mommy. All my fears, doubts and insecurities seemed to be there and if I couldn’t find an answer to them I could at least find others there who had them too and could empathize. The forums are still okayish. They do some great charity work (non-Americans need not apply) and the first few books are quite funny. The testimonials are the same. They go from hilarious, to pathetic, to heartbreaking but that’s what one should expect from anonymous admissions from women. Unfortunately, the blog has become blametown. One post is about how washing one’s misbehaving child’s mouth out with soap is abusive. Siting the toxicity of soap being harmful to the brat (who has toxic soap around children?) it flat out calls you abusive if you’ve ever used that particular punishment on a child no matter what their transgression was. Another post complains about how parents willing to play with their children are ruining her sitting on her butt time. Breast is best vs. formula, Chrissie Teagan, cover the babe when feeding vs. whip out your baby feeders and take on anyone who wants to shame you for using them for what they’re intended for, discipline, precious snowflakes (anyone who knows me knows I don’t use snowflake as a compliment in this case) wine, more wine, dad’s as babysitters, dad’s who clean being the ultimate feminists, every group possible trying to explain how their particular group has it harder than all other groups. Heck, my last blog post was a rant about a blog post on Scary Mommy saying fuck you and your sandwich to all parents who aren’t jumping for joy at the opportunity to have their children miss out because of other kids’ allergies. The worst are the posts out there judging and shaming people for judging and shaming. There’s so much of it going around on there (and I’m just talking about the blog posts themselves, don’t get me started on their comments sections) that it’s difficult to find the solidarity-based, we’ve all been there, you aren’t alone vibe I grew to love because it helped me through my new motherhood until I could gain enough confidence to be an I’m a Mom! rather than I’m a mom?
It’s sad really. I miss the old Scary Mommy. I took part in the forums. Shared what I’d figured out, learned from others and enjoyed the blog. Now, the constant judging and shaming coming up on my social media feeds has totally turned me off and so, I’ve totally turned them off. Maybe one day there will come a time when they, and/or the internet can switch back to helping rather than harming. A girl can dream can’t she? If and when that day comes I’ll be back there happy as a clam because I’ve missed my old friend and I’ll be happy to have them back.
So, yeah. Last time I posted I was bribing myself to quit smoking buy promising myself a new and very swanky crochet hook. I bought the hook anyway, and absolutely adore it, but did manage to quit smoking as well. This weekend it will have been five months (minus a setback or two but always right back on the wagon).
What else has happened since then? Well, my dad got very sick. I won’t go into details because that’s his story to tell but needless to say it was very touch and go for a while. We almost lost him. I dreaded having to tell The Boy that his Papa was gone. As far as said Boy goes he is one smart cookie and, from overhearing assorted family update calls and such, figured out that something was going on and that it was very, very bad. For now, we have dad back. We have our Papa and we are doing everything we can to make sure we keep him.
Another major life event, I up and quit my job. Things have been pretty shitty there since I got pregnant. My co-worker and, at that time, friend freaked out at the thought of being left there while I took maternity leave and let herself be poached by the competition. I’ve had a target on my back ever since through association. I came back from my maternity leave to find I wasn’t going back to my original position and that the sweet, enthusiastic young guy they’d hired before I’d left had turned into a butt-kissing, deluded, uncaring money grubbing waste of air. They tried to pay me $4/hour less than I’d left from and they pretty much abandoned me to scrape and scuttle my way through doing an impossible job with no access to resources or help. Long story short, new guy had buttkissed his way into trying to oust all of the old employees (I wasn’t the first to walk out) and through missed time due to dad’s illness, doing too good a job at my job and having to spend too much time to maintain it to be able to build it fast enough and lies from butt-kisser that he was sooper magical and can do everything faster and better while still magically being able to do everybody else’s job, last Wednesday happened. They came to me and told me they were going to drop my pay $2/hour while also demanding twice the work. That was it. I was done. I asked and then begged them to lay me off so I could get retrained in a trade and they refused so I talked to The Hubster and got his support. I walked in and got to say the dream words of anyone who’s worked a shitty job…”I quit.” I packed up my stuff and left. I freaked out for the rest of the day.
How was I going to keep my house and feed my son? What was I going to do? A week later I am still not sure but what I do know is that Thursday morning, and every morning since, I have not had a headache when I woke up. I haven’t vomited around getting ready to go to that place. I have spent time with my husband and son. Got to talk to my sister for an hour on the phone a couple times. So, still not sure what the future holds besides I am happier worrying about money than I was prostituting myself in a job I couldn’t stand. I’m sincerely hoping that a couple of my former co-workers get the opportunity to experience this feeling too. It’s loverly.
For the moment, I have homemade bread in my breadbox and am making turkey soup from scratch. I’m listening to an awesome podcast The Jeff Show With Jason Bryant and I’m working on a gift for my sister’s incoming bump. I am happy right now and that’s awesome.