When I was an expecting and new mom I found a great thing. A blog called Scary Mommy. All my fears, doubts and insecurities seemed to be there and if I couldn’t find an answer to them I could at least find others there who had them too and could empathize. The forums are still okayish. They do some great charity work (non-Americans need not apply) and the first few books are quite funny. The testimonials are the same. They go from hilarious, to pathetic, to heartbreaking but that’s what one should expect from anonymous admissions from women. Unfortunately, the blog has become blametown. One post is about how washing one’s misbehaving child’s mouth out with soap is abusive. Siting the toxicity of soap being harmful to the brat (who has toxic soap around children?) it flat out calls you abusive if you’ve ever used that particular punishment on a child no matter what their transgression was. Another post complains about how parents willing to play with their children are ruining her sitting on her butt time. Breast is best vs. formula, Chrissie Teagan, cover the babe when feeding vs. whip out your baby feeders and take on anyone who wants to shame you for using them for what they’re intended for, discipline, precious snowflakes (anyone who knows me knows I don’t use snowflake as a compliment in this case) wine, more wine, dad’s as babysitters, dad’s who clean being the ultimate feminists, every group possible trying to explain how their particular group has it harder than all other groups. Heck, my last blog post was a rant about a blog post on Scary Mommy saying fuck you and your sandwich to all parents who aren’t jumping for joy at the opportunity to have their children miss out because of other kids’ allergies. The worst are the posts out there judging and shaming people for judging and shaming. There’s so much of it going around on there (and I’m just talking about the blog posts themselves, don’t get me started on their comments sections) that it’s difficult to find the solidarity-based, we’ve all been there, you aren’t alone vibe I grew to love because it helped me through my new motherhood until I could gain enough confidence to be an “I’m a Mom!” rather than “I’m a mom?”
It’s sad really. I miss the old Scary Mommy. I took part in the forums. Shared what I’d figured out, learned from others and enjoyed the blog. Now, the constant judging and shaming coming up on my social media feeds has totally turned me off and so, I’ve totally turned them off. Maybe one day there will come a time when they, and/or the internet can switch back to helping rather than harming. A girl can dream can’t she? If and when that day comes I’ll be back there happy as a clam because I’ve missed my old friend and I’ll be happy to have them back.